The people here are full of contradictions. They're welcoming but rude. They're impatient but slow themselves. They treat you like family, in both the good and the bad ways. They never say "excuse me", but they'll help you above and beyond when you ask. They rarely form actual lines, and cutting is somewhat normal. A machine gun strapped to a chest with or without a uniform is not an unusual sight. Kippas are normal and I can spot a wig a mile away now. Tensions are high between the different cultures here at points. Things aren't blowing up, war isn't breaking out, things are fine here, life is as usual for the locals. Their mentality is "what happens happens" and I'm trying to learn to incorporate this thinking more into my life.
My bouts of depression don't seem worse, but being away from everything that I use to call normal, well it feels as if I'm starting from square one all over again. My mind races with all I have to do, want to do, and should do while here. I'm not terribly pleased with my courses or peers. I'm not so happy about how much money I have to spend on just food alone each week. I don't want all the pressures, but I have so much trouble leaving them behind just for a few moments. I miss friends that understood me well, and that I understood well.
I miss having an identity. I feel like I don't have one here at points. Most people are very welcoming and don't care if you're Jewish or not. But when you're not part of the majority there are a myriad of things you simply don't understand, didn't grow up with, and don't know about. You miss that cultural connection you had with people that share some bit of your history. I love it here, and I enjoy the differences. But sometimes I wish it didn't matter that I don't come from the same background exactly. I wish it was just ignored. But it isn't always.
