Building Walls

I've spent most of my life building walls around my heart. Relationships require taking down these walls and letting others in, trusting them. This is a vulnerability, for the best way to take down a fortress is from the inside, at its weakest point. Sure, an ironclad fortress is strong and sturdy, but when it comes time to move, it cannot. And one can go mad in a fortress all alone.

But what if there was simply no fortress to take down at all?

It took me so long to realize this, and it might take me my entire life to break the habit of building walls. Never had I been aware that destruction could be used as a positive force, but by destroying the walls I've built I've discovered so much more about myself and my relationships. I've learned to embrace being open and honest. I don't mind if people know private things about me. What are they going to do, tell others? Well, I've already beat them to that.

Being open is often admired and respected by others, not seen as a weakness. It is one of those things that seems to go against the first instinct to protect and shelter oneself from the hurt of this world. That's why it's a struggle. But it's one of those obstacles in my life that I feel I can make considerable progress on. And thus far I feel that I have. I've made the most amazing friends: people that take me for what I am...because they know what I am.

There is a different kind of strength in appearing just as I am, without any walls or defenses. So I've learned to stand in an open field, without walls. I understand now that being exposed to the outside world is only a weakness if you define it as a weakness.