In the Middle Somewhere

I'd love to call this experience growth or a search, perhaps philosophizing? And yes, it is all that, but let's be honest, when it boils down to it, I'm just drifting; drifting about in this world just as uncertain as the next guy. I have no fucking idea what I'm doing. I have no idea if this is where I'm suppose to be, if it's the best place for me to be, or if it's the correct path. There I said it. It's the truth.

I've been a child, taught to respond to questions, people, and the world the way I was taught and the way I saw others do. I was a teen, questioning everything, rebelling, thinking, and knowingly lost. And here I am, somehow a combination of both of these as well as, hell, an adult (not a term I think I'll ever think applies to me). I've gone from being raised to believe in God, to hating him, to thinking nothing's out there, to believing in Him, to trying to (and essentially therefore) being of a very conservative religious mind set, --- to here and now.

So what the hell is here and now? Because I sure don't think what I'm told to, I sure don't hate God, I definitely think He's there, and I frown upon my old rigid mind set (what a first love can do to you). I'm here, in the middle somewhere. The middle of religion, spirituality, life, thoughts, and plans. And I like it. Because it's my path.