One of my greatest fears is forgetting. Forgetting my life with all of it's beauty and all of the struggles. That scares me half to death. Memories are what make me who I am at this very moment. I feel as if there are several parts to me as a whole person.
One is the physical skin I'm in; the stuff that always surprises me when I look into the mirror. To be frank, I forget it's there. I view myself through my eyes, I can never actually see this face that holds these eyes. It's simply impossible. I can only view videos, photos, and my image in the mirror. It's such an odd disconnect. Does anyone else view it this way?
I feel constructed of pieced together memories and old feelings sometimes. As if they're a separate part of me. They aren't just neural signals located in my brain, but invisible tattoos that cover all of me, with more always being added.
Lastly, my soul is the real me, the core I suppose: all that really will stay in the long run. It exist somewhere within, somewhere I can never really place. It is connected to my physical body for now, and reads each one of my tattoos and recognizes them. When my body is left behind it will remember it and remember the tattoos, but it will be free.
Earthy things don't matter in the long run. But they cause so much hurt and so much love and so much joy and so much pain here in the physical realm. And I feel that my soul and this world do have a connection. My soul will remember this, my soul will be cut by this world and left with thin scars. It will be ultimately healed by God. But there's still part of me that feels that my scars should remain, as a memory of how things were, as a comparison of how good things are. Perhaps they won't, perhaps God will wipe me clean and pure. I trust He knows which is better.
